do herpes really smell.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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