I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
