I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
