Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
