I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
