she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
