i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
