Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm getting married
To pizza
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
