exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
