I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
