Your mouth is God's brothel.
birth control should be required to get into college
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
