Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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