weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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