I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
