So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
