That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
