also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
