So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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