So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
