he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
