How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
