im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
