I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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