he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
