Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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