Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
