I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
