How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
