THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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