After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
