so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
