I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
