Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
