hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
there's paper in my vomit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hippo gnu deer
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
