Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
