Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
