I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
