I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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