went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
