Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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