He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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