I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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