just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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