I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
