I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
