I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
