it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
