No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
