I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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