It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
