I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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